Why is it so scary to ask for what you want in life?
Published: May 07, 2017
Not too many years ago I let my fears dictate my choices. I let those fearful thoughts take over my consciousness. In those negative, judgmental, self doubting thoughts I created limiting and self destructive beliefs about myself and others. I was numb to my own reality. I was just living life out of fear of the unknown and too scared to give myself a “life audit” (something I am actively doing now).
I was allowing life to run me, rather than me make conscious decisions about who, what, and how I wanted to live.
For example, take it back to 2012, one year after I graduated college. I was living in San Francisco where I had been living for a few years while I completed my B.A. at University of San Francisco. After graduation the daunting job hunt began.
Here is what a limiting belief sounded like in my head, “Isabel, you feel lost here, you should go travel like the rest of them! Now is the time. No, Isabel, you have to push through this, you must ‘make it’ on your own in SF, or else if you move back home to beautiful Santa Barbara you are a FAILURE. You are literally failing if you move home.”
Sad and limiting, right?
Another recurring thought of mine, that I thought would bring me the fulfillment and joy I so craved was, “but only if I had a successful job and a boyfriend, then and only then I will be happy.” Ha-ha-ha…I literally can’t help but to laugh at my self now!
Dudes, the power of intention is real: So I did, I got what I thought would make me happy. I had a few successful (and unsuccessful) careers/jobs in SF and I even had a loving boyfriend.
Was I happy? No. Fulfilled? You bet not. Did I know who I was. Fuck no!
I have always been a seeker. I’ve always looked for something from life that would guide me to feel more alive…less numb…less lost. Something of purpose and meaning!! But I had no idea what that ‘something’ looked like. I was scared to give my life an assessment. (You want to know what I found? Read on)…
I was so deathly scared to ask myself “what the hell are you doing with your life? Is what you’re doing really, who you are?”
Those are questions you don’t learn in American public schools back in the late 90’s or early 2000’s. Or if you don’t grow up in a spiritual community.
If I knew then what I know now, I would at the ripe age of 23 ask myself “what do you want out of life? YOU CAN CHOOSE! HOW do you want to live? Did you want to work a 9–5 steady job? Is that success to you? Do you only want weekends free and 2 weeks vacation a year? I thought that was the only way. Haha…I also didn’t ask myself what type of person I wanted to be or how I wanted to influence others or the world. As introspective as I am known to be, one would assume I’d be asking myself these questions.
I just thought, you go to school, you be a good person, you get a good job, meet a nice partner, procreate, and then you’ll be happy!
Here’s the thing guys, I didn’t know what I wanted and I did not know the POWER of manifestation and the Law Of Attraction / the Universal Law — Wow, scary words to some of you? Hold it. I am not some wacko preachy ‘woo-woo’ person who’s going to try and convince you “I know the way.” (Well, I am a little ‘woo-woo’ ; ) all in moderation).
Pro tip: there is no “one way.” Follow where you are being called. You just have to be woke enough to listen and see the opportunities in front of you and be able to discern between your truth and someone else’s truth, that may NOT be yours to take on.
Now that I am “woke” (a topic for another time) I no longer blame others or myself for where life has taken me. I know IT WAS ME the whole time. Those limiting beliefs were MINE not yours!
Wake the fuck up and look at those thoughts of yours! Are they helpful? Or are they limiting you from your greatest potential? Look at your life as it is right now…the results don’t lie baby.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO LOOK LIKE? Literally, on a day-to-day basis, that’s something people over look. They’re reaching for the stars but don’t realizing that to literally have “It all” you must BE it, then you must DO it, then you will HAVE it. NOT the other way around, like what I used to think “I’ll be happy if I HAVE this, then I’ll be able to DO this, then I’ll BE this type of person.” NO NO NO. Not how it works!
“BE. DO. Then you will have.”
So, what have I learned?
I learned to deeply and completely love and accept myself just as I am. And that I am never truly, ever alone. Neither are you.
With love,
Isabel
