Why is it so scary to ask for what you want in life?

Published: May 07, 2017

Not too many years ago I let my fears dictate my choices. I let those fearful thoughts take over my consciousness. In those negative, judgmental, self doubting thoughts I created limiting and self destructive beliefs about myself and others. I was numb to my own reality. I was just living life out of fear of the unknown and too scared to give myself a “life audit” (something I am actively doing now).

I was allowing life to run me, rather than me make conscious decisions about who, what, and how I wanted to live.

For example, take it back to 2012, one year after I graduated college. I was living in San Francisco where I had been living for a few years while I completed my B.A. at University of San Francisco. After graduation the daunting job hunt began.

Here is what a limiting belief sounded like in my head, “Isabel, you feel lost here, you should go travel like the rest of them! Now is the time. No, Isabel, you have to push through this, you must ‘make it’ on your own in SF, or else if you move back home to beautiful Santa Barbara you are a FAILURE. You are literally failing if you move home.”

Sad and limiting, right?

Another recurring thought of mine, that I thought would bring me the fulfillment and joy I so craved was, “but only if I had a successful job and a boyfriend, then and only then I will be happy.” Ha-ha-ha…I literally can’t help but to laugh at my self now!

Dudes, the power of intention is real: So I did, I got what I thought would make me happy. I had a few successful (and unsuccessful) careers/jobs in SF and I even had a loving boyfriend.

Was I happy? No. Fulfilled? You bet not. Did I know who I was. Fuck no!

I have always been a seeker. I’ve always looked for something from life that would guide me to feel more alive…less numb…less lost. Something of purpose and meaning!! But I had no idea what that ‘something’ looked like. I was scared to give my life an assessment. (You want to know what I found? Read on)…

I was so deathly scared to ask myself “what the hell are you doing with your life? Is what you’re doing really, who you are?”

Those are questions you don’t learn in American public schools back in the late 90’s or early 2000’s. Or if you don’t grow up in a spiritual community.

If I knew then what I know now, I would at the ripe age of 23 ask myself “what do you want out of life? YOU CAN CHOOSE! HOW do you want to live? Did you want to work a 9–5 steady job? Is that success to you? Do you only want weekends free and 2 weeks vacation a year? I thought that was the only way. Haha…I also didn’t ask myself what type of person I wanted to be or how I wanted to influence others or the world. As introspective as I am known to be, one would assume I’d be asking myself these questions.

I just thought, you go to school, you be a good person, you get a good job, meet a nice partner, procreate, and then you’ll be happy!

Here’s the thing guys, I didn’t know what I wanted and I did not know the POWER of manifestation and the Law Of Attraction / the Universal Law — Wow, scary words to some of you? Hold it. I am not some wacko preachy ‘woo-woo’ person who’s going to try and convince you “I know the way.” (Well, I am a little ‘woo-woo’ ; ) all in moderation).

Pro tip: there is no “one way.” Follow where you are being called. You just have to be woke enough to listen and see the opportunities in front of you and be able to discern between your truth and someone else’s truth, that may NOT be yours to take on.

Now that I am “woke” (a topic for another time) I no longer blame others or myself for where life has taken me. I know IT WAS ME the whole time. Those limiting beliefs were MINE not yours!

Wake the fuck up and look at those thoughts of yours! Are they helpful? Or are they limiting you from your greatest potential? Look at your life as it is right now…the results don’t lie baby.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO LOOK LIKE? Literally, on a day-to-day basis, that’s something people over look. They’re reaching for the stars but don’t realizing that to literally have “It all” you must BE it, then you must DO it, then you will HAVE it. NOT the other way around, like what I used to think “I’ll be happy if I HAVE this, then I’ll be able to DO this, then I’ll BE this type of person.” NO NO NO. Not how it works!

“BE. DO. Then you will have.”

So, what have I learned?

I learned to deeply and completely love and accept myself just as I am. And that I am never truly, ever alone. Neither are you.

With love,

Isabel

Do You Feel Worthy?

Published: May 10, 2017

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Ok so I have a worth issue. Mine is ironic because I am writing this now, but I am sometimes don’t know if I am worthy of being “seen and heard.”

Definition of Worthy: having or showing the qualities or abilities that merit recognition in a specified way.

I desire to be seen and heard. It’s actually one of my bigger desires in my life and I think I found where it originated.

So as the story goes “you are apart of your upbringing.” This couldn’t be more true for me. Way back when, we’re talking elementary school all the way up until probably college I was called “cute and small, I could fit you in my pocket! ” As some people would say. It’s endearing I suppose…

In elementary school my friends would speak up FOR ME (I was shy), I was small, I was scared, and I let others shine. In high school and even a little in college I never would raise my hand in class and when I did because I was dying to share my thoughts, my chest would push in on me and my throat would close up tight. I would also judge and critique every word that came out of my mouth and those words sounded so slow coming out. It was an awful debilitating feeling.

Anyone else have this feeling when speaking in groups?

So, we have Isabel as “cute, small, shy.” = scared to speak up i.e. not feeling heard.

Now about about “being seen.” Well that’s self explanatory i.e. small. Ok well I couldn’t help my size, that fast metabolism is now a blessing in my adult life. But back then, age 15, weight: 100lbs, height: 5'1' — on the smaller side of the teenager spectrum that’s for sure.

With the recent awareness to my “stuff” my “issues” as people love to say, now understand MYSELF more. Why I get triggered by others, or why I react in a certain way.

For example, the other day I was at a yoga studio for a Goddess Gathering and I walked up to a group of ladies, thinking I was making myself seen, the woman didn’t even notice me, she even bumped into my saying “oh I didn’t see you there.” In the past I would have reacted right away, saying something sassy or rude. THIS time, with my new found awareness of my “issues” I simply paused, said “it’s okay” and I just noticed how I felt in my body. My chest got tight and my body felt warm. That experience was my clue that I was on the right track with nailing down some part of me that I am insecure about.

This leads me to check in with myself today, where am I at with my “worthy of being heard and seen” stuff. Well it’s quite funny I’ve been having urges to write and get my Shosh blog back up and running…(it’s under development) so the “being heard” is nudging itself back into my life. Now it’s MY JOB to listen to my higher self and take action!

For being seen, well I do Crossfit so there’s that! Think that solved that issue. I am not longer small and weak, fragile, or frail. My physical body has 100% transformed, for the better — more on Crossfit another time.

So if the word “worthy” doesn’t hit home for you, then that’s ok. But I ask you, to pause and think about times you may feel not seen or not heard in life and how that makes you feel. Take those emotions and dig a little deeper, there’s always more to uncover than we see on the surface.

With love,

Isabel

How Conscious Are You?

Published: May 13, 2017

How do you get from point A to point B?

Meaning, how consciously are you living? Are you “go-go-go. Move-move- move. Do-do-do type?

The more I do the better I will be, the more I do the more I will be loved/liked/valued/seen/respected, and the more I do the more I will like myself? Or are you the slow and steady; you don’t take any risks or else bad things will happen type?

Yeah, yeah, here’s the kicker, you’re not actually thinking those thoughts…CONSCIOUSLY that is. But that unconscious chatter in your head is and you just think it’s you! But it doesn’t have to be. These thoughts are actually driving your actions and your behaviors. Until you get to know yourself, that is.

Ok, think about this….

how you do anything is how you do everything.

Woo…out there ha? Think about it for a second. Are you always trying to get somewhere, so you can be someone? Put it this way, do you jump out of bed in the morning, look at emails, rush to work while inhaling your food on the way? If so, your unconscious brain is most likely saying “rush get there, must be that, must go there now!!!!”

Another aspect would be the complete opposite. You’re too slow moving. You’re over cautious and you over think. You over analyze everything that you actually can’t even get going on the things you want to do in life. You’re still where you were, in that “just ok” job with that “decent” partner, living in that “just ok” place.

Now this is for both of the characteristic traits I’ve mentioned (the constantly moving one and the over thinker/non action taker).

THERE IS NO PERFECT Time to start the diet, to start the relationship, or to start the company of your dreams. If you don’t just start somewhere, you will never start at all! In other words, are you getting in your own damn way of living your dream life?!

Guess what, nothing is perfect in life, no matter how much you try.

A recommendation of mine would be to have less control over the situation and to “give it up.” Give it up to your version of “god” (I like to use the term Universe), but whatever works for you.

STOP trying to control the situation and just breath into it, trust your path, trust that you are being watched over by some higher being that is guiding you in this things called “life.”

All you have to do is be willing, ready, and capable of listening, seeing, and feeling what you’re being called to do, in any moment.

For my OVER THINKERS out there, DO LESS. Try it on (yes try it on like clothes). Try on being a bit more flexible, a bit more go with the flow type and see how your circumstances change. Sometimes in doing less you’re actually doing more, you’re nourishing yourself, for yourself, which in turn effects others around you.

When you manage to stay connected to your Energy stream, you always win. And you know what, somebody else doesn’t have to lose for you to win. There is always enough. — Law of Attraction

For my DO DO DO, GO GO GO, BE BE BE, (Type A people)…SLOW DOWN, will ya?. Take 3 big breaths before you DO anything. Try the “slow down” shirt and pants on, fuck it, throw the “slow down and enjoy where you currently are,” sunglasses on and see what life looks like now? Oh ya, kinda nice ha!?

For me, I’m a “DO DO DO” person by nature. I’m practicing to “slow down” for a few weeks. What this looks like for me is:

1. Practicing conscious eating: Not eating at my desk at work and inhaling my food in a rush. Instead can choose to eat slowly and with intention, letting my body actually digest. — — Being a more mindful eater, as small a thing as it sounds, can help me be mindful on not rushing. If I go to bed earlier, waking up earlier, eat earlier, have enough time in the morning to do my morning ritual (see below), I’ll then feel nourished and ready for the day…and not rushed to pack it all in at once!!

2. Ritualizing my morning/night: Create enthusiasm and discipline with daily wellness rituals. Meditation, movement, self-care, nourishment, sleep (quality and schedule). Something for me could look like — wake + journal for 15 min. Slow and easy yoga flow/stretches. Read 1 tarot/angel card. Warn glass of lemon water and bam! Day, don’t fuck wit me.

3. Breath deep when feeling stress and overwhelm: There’s a plethora of options here. My new wellness coach Britta, of Green Violet just introduced me to Dr. Andrew Weil’s, The Stimulating Breath, The 4–7–8 Breathing Exercise.

Pro Tip: when you’re creating daily rituals, life gets easier. In so far as you start to become more aware of your body, your breath, your space around you, and your thoughts.

Here is the goal, the ultimate holy grail….

Are you ready to learn this?

WHEN you have daily ritual, it helps to calm your mind so when life gets hard (which it will), you’ll be able and willing to notice what is happening inside of you, so you can catch it early before you go into a spiral and your mind takes over — worry, fear, anxiety, scarcity etc… can ensue.

My friends, if you can catch it early on, dig into your wellness toolbox and pull something out to help calm you. For me, I always without a doubt pull out of my toolbox “remember to breath” tool. I love that tool! Always helps.

With love,

Isabel

Loving ourselves is loving the world.

Published: April, 11 2022

As a white girl — and a privileged one — growing up in upper middle class Santa Barbara, I still had struggles. My struggles were not the uphill battle and marginalizations of race and class that have haunted our country for years, which have come to bear on our current cultural and societal psyches. My struggles were not from the outside in, from an oppressive system. But rather, they came from the inside out.

Yes, everyone has challenges. No one — no matter how privileged — escapes the fate of being human, and no one can shrug off the challenges and frailties that are served up to us simple by being alive. But I created blocks and self-sabotaging behaviors. I let my own inner demons get the best of me time and time again. No one is perfect, surely we know this, but when I look at my own life — when I look deep inside my actions and my sometimes skewed motivations — I see a path strewn with logs and boulders that I could have, had I been paying closer attention, avoided. And yes, we know the adage, “I did the best I could at the time with the tools I had.” And that’s comforting, and very true. There’s the saying, “If you know better, you do better.”

Well, that is my mantra now. To do better. And in order to do that, I need to know better. That means I have to learn. So how do I begin to learn the things that will keep my path free from self-imposed obstacles? And, how do I do that without engaging in self-hatred or engrained regret?

While there’s always room to do better, I find I must love and accept who I am now. That the starting place for my learning — my “doing better and knowing better” — must start where I’m standing, with an acceptance of who I am and how I’ve gotten here. I’ve been extremely hard on myself my whole life, stemming from struggles in school as a kid and into my teens (a story for another time), again and again putting myself down and keeping myself small for fear of failure. Those fears then manifested into an avoidance of success and trying new things…a condition I’d describe as a fear of being seen for who I truly am. Which, in the end, is what I desire the most. (Don’t we all?)

So while I can learn tools to do better, I must also learn tools to love better. For loving myself is loving the world. Loving myself and loving the world allows me to love others, too — to allow for their humanity as I come to know other souls who are trying, just like me, to find acceptance and growth and a clear path to walk in this life.

That’s why I’m a coach. I want to help people gain practical tools to improve their lives, so they can live an authentic life. To work with the power of self-love and acceptance brings with it the open path that lets us know that anything is possible, and everyone is worthy of love.

With love,
Isabel